Advice on Fighting: Always Pull Toward the Thumb

fisticuffs

Today’s gentleman’s tip is: always pull toward the thumb.  This tip will surely prove valuable in a scuffle.  But before explaining the meaning of this rather cryptic tip, I’d like to provide you with the best advice you could ever receive on the subject of fights: avoid them entirely.   The results of fighting include, but are not limited to: bruising, bleeding, broken bones, crooked noses, cauliflower ear, chipped teeth, missing teeth, missing limbs, split fingernails, lost hair, headaches, dizziness, nausea, and death.  Bear in mind that many of the items on this list greatly reduce the gentleman’s potential for adventure.   Following a bout of such violence, the great Harry Flashman once looked down in horror and “saw the most unpleasant sight I know, which is my own blood.”   We strongly recommend avoiding situations that would cause you to see that most unpleasant of sights.

Unfortunately, we also strongly recommend adventure.  And adventure does not go hand in hand with cowering in one’s home for life.   Therefore, we offer you this tip: always pull toward the thumb.  Occasionally in a fight, your opponent will grow tired of your fist repeatedly walloping them across the forehead.   In order to prevent this rather irksome activity, your opponent may grab your arm and hold on for dear life.   Naturally, you will want to put an end to this.   To escape this simple trap, you have two options.   One is to be monstrously strong.  If this is the case, your solution is to pull.  And I recommend pulling very hard.  The option for the rest of us is to pull toward your opponents thumb.  The thumb is the weakest part of your opponent’s grip.  Don’t pull toward their fingers.  They have four of them.  Likely, your opponent will only have one thumb.  Simply bend your elbow in the direction that moves your forearm most directly toward their thumb.  Your forearm will undoubtedly be stronger than their thumb.  As a result, your arm will be released and your arm will be free to let the walloping resume.

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